I’m Kayla. I read self-help when my brain feels like 37 tabs are open. This time, I went looking for books by and for Black women. I wanted peace. I also wanted receipts. Would these pages give me tools? Or just cute quotes?
Short answer: some did. Some didn’t. Let me explain.
Why I reached for these books
Work got loud. Family got louder. My phone kept pinging. I was saying yes to stuff I didn’t even want. My chest felt tight all the time. You get it?
So I stacked a little reading pile. Bus rides, lunch breaks, sleepless nights. Sticky notes on the bathroom mirror. A highlighter that gave up halfway.
Here’s what I read and used in real life.
Book-by-book: the good and the meh
Black Girl in Love (with Herself) — Trey Anthony
This one felt like talking to a cousin who tells the truth but hugs you after. Trey shares breakups, therapy, and how she rebuilt her life. It’s tender and plain. Need a copy? You can snag it directly from the publisher if you’re curious.
- What helped: Her section on people pleasing. I tried her “no, thank you” script on my cousin who wanted a free logo. I wrote, “I can’t do this for free, but I can share my rate.” My hands shook. But I sent it. She said okay. We’re still cool.
- What didn’t: Some parts repeat. Also, a few exercises felt a bit light. I wanted deeper steps.
Set Boundaries, Find Peace — Nedra Glover Tawwab
Whew. This book gave me language. It isn’t just for Black women, but it spoke to me anyway.
- What helped: Scripts. I used, “I’m not available for calls after 8,” with my mom. Said it two times. Then I stuck to it. The third time, she said, “Okay.” No storm, no drama. Just peace.
- What didn’t: It reads like a workbook at times. I liked that, but my friend hated it.
The Little Black Book of Success
Career advice from three Black women leaders. Straight talk, no fluff.
- What helped: Keeping receipts. I made a “wins” list in my Notes app. When review season came, I didn’t blank. I asked for a raise with proof. I got a bump. Not huge, but real money.
- What didn’t: Some tips feel old school. Office politics still matter, though. So I kept the parts that fit.
Side note: Not everyone wants to wait until annual review season to see extra cash. If you’re in Kern County and open to exploring a transparent, mutually beneficial dating setup, you might skim this local Sugar Daddy Bakersfield primer. It breaks down how arrangements work, the red-flag behaviors to dodge, and the safest cafés for first meets, giving you clarity before you dive into that scene.
More Than Enough — Elaine Welteroth
More memoir than manual. Gorgeous writing. It lit a fire under me.
- What helped: I wrote a letter to my younger self. Then I moved one tiny step at work. I pitched a project I was scared to own. My voice shook. It still got a yes.
- What didn’t: If you want strict steps, this isn’t it. It’s fuel, not a checklist.
Self-Care for Black Women — Oludara Adeeyo
Short entries. Gentle ideas. No guilt. I read it on the bus, one page at a time.
- What helped: A body scan before Sunday dinner. Ten slow breaths in my car, hands on my belly. I walked in calm, not braced. Also, her social media break tip? Golden. I made Sundays phone-free for one hour. My brain now thanks me.
- What didn’t: Some prompts are very simple. But simple was what I could manage.
One random perk of reclaiming my weekends: I finally said yes to a sunrise pickleball match with my girls. If you’re curious about the gear, I found a clutch roundup of bags that actually hold all the paddles and snacks in this pickleball bag guide for women. Game-day stress? Deleted.
Professional Troublemaker — Luvvie Ajayi Jones
Funny, loud, bold. It made me practice tiny brave moments.
- What helped: A rule I made up after reading: “10 seconds brave.” I used it to say, “Actually, I’ll need a fee for that workshop,” on a Zoom call. My face got hot. They said yes.
- What didn’t: The humor may not land for everyone. I liked it. My sister thought it was “a bit much.”
Real life changes I actually kept
- A “no” script on my phone. I copy, paste, send. Done.
- Sunday reset: hair oil, gospel playlist, and a 15-minute tidy timer.
- A wins list. Dates, numbers, screenshots. Saved my review.
- One hour phone-free. I light a candle. I breathe like I mean it.
- A boundary bell. If my heart races, I ask, “Do I want this?” If no, it’s no.
The parts that rubbed me wrong
- Some books lean heavy on hustle. I’m tired. Rest is not a prize. It’s basic care.
- Hetero love stories everywhere. My queer friends need pages too.
- The price adds up. Library holds saved me, and audiobooks helped on errands.
Who these helped the most
- New managers or first-gen pros who need career language.
- Folks who say yes too fast and regret it five minutes later.
- Worn-out women who need bite-size care they can do in a parked car.
Quick picks, based on your mess
- Burned out? Self-Care for Black Women.
- Family pressure and guilt? Set Boundaries, Find Peace.
- Career courage? The Little Black Book of Success plus a wins list.
- Need heart fuel? More Than Enough.
- People pleasing, love and loss? Black Girl in Love (with Herself).
- Scared to speak up? Professional Troublemaker.
If you’re hunting for more bite-size tools to rebuild joy day by day, swing by How Much Joy — the downloadable prompts felt like bonus chapters to every book on my nightstand.
I even wrote a fuller play-by-play of how each title landed for me in this companion piece if you want the extended tea.
While we’re on the topic of owning our stories and protecting our peace, intimacy boundaries count too. If you’ve ever been curious about documenting private moments without losing control of them, this straight-talking guide to creating a consensual, confidence-boosting sex tape breaks down everything from consent conversations to lighting, angles, and digital privacy so you can keep both the pleasure and your personal footage firmly in your own hands.
Small, true moments (because proof matters)
- I pulled “no is a complete sentence” at a baby shower planning chat. The group went quiet. Then someone else said, “Same here.” Look at that.
- I wore braids to a client meeting and did not fuss. I also raised my rate. They signed anyway.
- I missed two days of my new habits and wanted to quit. I didn’t. I started again on a Wednesday. Thursday felt easier.
Final say
These books didn’t fix my life. They helped me fix my days. That’s enough. One page, one breath, one honest “no.” You know what? That stacks up.
If you try any of these, write in the margins. Make them yours. If something feels heavy, set it down. Your peace is still your peace.
— Kayla Sox